This is a different type of blog to the ones I usually do. No anecdotes from the back of the ambulance. It is a letter back in time to my younger self. When I was younger I used to worry a lot, about everything. A random event could set my mind racing and dwelling on all manner of future disasters. I found a way to calm my mind by writing a journal. Today I found an old journal and flicked through a few pages. This letter is to the younger me who wrote that journal.
Dear younger me,
There’s no need to worry. Every single thing you worried about worked out ok. Either it didn’t happen at all or it did happen yet it wasn’t half as bad as you thought and you managed to cope. In fact, some of the disasters you worried about turned out to be the best thing that could have happened.
We spent and still spend lots of time with family, and we didn’t drift apart like you worried, in fact we just get closer. When you’re with family, in fact whatever you are doing, really focus and concentrate on what’s happening; this is how to make lots of great memories. Some of the simplest things are the best memories. Time has really flown and now the kids are adults. We had such a great time as they were growing and now they’re adults we are still having a great time making lots of memories.
Don’t fear being alone. At various times I’ve been alone and nothing bad happened. In fact I’ve learned to love time on my own. I love the time to read, relax and be creative; I find it calming and peaceful. Now I’m with someone it’s because I truly want to be with them and I’m not with them just because of fear of being alone.
Trust your instincts. Every choice you agonised about and just went with your instinct turned out to be the right choice. That instinct of yours is pretty well tuned – I trust it now.
The bad times pass. Always. Some of the stuff you faced is painful, no denying it. When you have done everything possible to remove the painful thing but it’s still there, well, these are the things you just have to accept. The pain is real and can be intense. Resisting and wishing that the pain isn’t there or that things were different or feeling resentful makes the pain feel worse. Just accept it, keep breathing and trust me, it passes. It passes more quickly when you accept it and don’t try to resist it. I would say don’t be afraid to let it out and cry but I still can’t do that. I would also say talk more to the people who care for you about things on your mind but I still find that hard too, I’m working on that at the moment.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help handling things in the bad times. You’ve handled things fine on your own and got through but it may have been easier with help and opening up about things. I’m still working on that one too here and now!
Maybe I’ll get a letter from an older me and he’ll say I/we/you’ve finally managed it.
That’s about all I’ve got to say for now. Things are good here and now, very good. Stop worrying!